History:

Had c/section May 2004 delivered healthy baby boy. Got infection after c/sec. Dr gave me antibiotics and sent me home when without fever (I believe that if my dr had educated me on ashermans and the possible repercussions of that infection, I would not be writing this today. I may have several healthy babies at home instead of spending the last 3 yrs having surgeries and procedures and false hope and consequently, too damaged to have a child. I tried to sue her but dropped the suit. I will certainly write her a letter telling her the hell she has put me through).

Breastfed for 1 yr so getting period did not seem unusual. After weaning, did not get period. Gyn ran many tests for 7 months, concluded that I am not getting period because of stress or being too thin. She mentioned the word ashermans followed by "you couldn't possibly have that from a c/sec, that's very rare). Typed Ashermans in google and couldn't believe what I was reading. I definitely had Ashermans! Joined this group and was led to an A-lister Dr. Had HSG in Nov 2005. He diagnosed me with severe Ashermans

Hysteroscopy Jan 2006. Uterine scarring returns. Still no period.

Hysteroscopy #2 July 2006. Uterine scarring returns. Still no period.

Sept 2006 He informs me that I cannot carry a baby to term.

Jan 2007 Get 2nd opinion from 2nd A-lister - said he may see a false path or scarring, can't tell unless he does HSG.

June 2007 3rd hysteroscopy. Was in fact a false path probably created from 1st A lister use of heated laser. It was explained to me that the laser could be manipulated to the path of least resistance. 2nd A lister opened my entire cavity, saw some lining, both tubes were blocked, he was able to clear right tube.

Aug 2007 get first period in 4 years!

Sept 2007 HSG shows right tube still clear, lining looks ok. Gives green light to TTC with warnings that my uterus is small. Pregnancy comes with very high risks of miscarriage but he explained that he's seen people with half a uterus have babies. I told him I am not giving up at this point.

April 2008. Not getting pregnant. He does SHG. Uterus looks smaller than in Sept. He said I still have an open cavity and I have not rescarred, but that my uterus has shrunk. He cannot proceed with IVF because my uterus is in such bad shape and that my chances of miscarriage (which were already high) have increased even more. He said that my only chances right now were another hysteroscopy. That would be my 4th. Before he could even continue, I told him I'm done. I am too exhausted to keep fighting this uphill battle. I told him that I can no longer keep battling something that always had uncertainty- the results were never concrete-- never great and never bad, and he said,"Tara, they were always bad but with hope." He said if I want to say I have tried everything, we can go in for another surgery, but we both agreed that it probably would not give me such success. And I can't do this waiting game any longer-taking all the hormones, waiting for the period, the SHG and HSG procedures to check post-surgery, than beginning IVF. This would be another 6 months of going on with all this. I know in my heart that another surgery would not completely fix things. I can keep doing this forever but I have to let go. I definitely feel like I have done everything I could and more. I do not have anymore fight left in me. I am exhausted. My gloves are off but not without scars and bruises, and I can proudly say I gave it my all. I was never fully excited about IVF –there was no guarantee that was going to work- and I also know that any pregnancy comes with very high risks. I have a beautiful son and I can't put my life at risk in trying so hard to have another. If I were younger, if I did not have Noah, then I would have nothing to lose and maybe I would continue, but I have everything to lose. Although I did cry, I almost felt like it was tears of relief. We had a nice conversation with the doctor and he was sorry this did not work out. I regret not having gone to him first. I truly believe he could have fixed my uterus with several hysts, at least a lot better than 1st doctors attempts, but I cannot harp on what could have been different. It is what it is.

Also, my father died suddenly of a heart attack last month while we were all vacationing in Disney. I am having a super lousy year.

Thank you, Poly and everyone here for all your continued support. I truly appreciate everyone's help and advice and words of comfort through the years. I live in a small mountain town in NY and had no idea where to turn, none of the drs knew anything about Ashermans. Joining this group helped me with my journey. So many of my friends have had success stories here and I am so thrilled for all of you that keep fighting this Ashermans beast! I wish I could have joined the success story. I tried as hard as my heart and mind could handle. My husband and I will be adopting. I look forward to starting that journey.

Xo

Tara