Hope in Asherman’s
At the age of 27 my husband and I fell pregnant. We were over the moon – it had happened so quickly, 3 months after I went off contraception, and we found out we were having a little boy. We dove into every bit of information we could get our hands on – from week-by-week newsletters, to healthy pregnancy diets, to what to expect during labour.
Six months into my pregnancy, the baby stopped moving one morning. It could have just been a “quiet” morning, but I felt that something was wrong so went directly to my gynaecologist. He did a scan, and I remember watching his face as he sat down on the bed beside me – the sadness there told me what I didn’t want to hear. My baby’s heart had stopped beating, and no tests afterwards revealed any reason why. It was put down to “one of those unexplained things that sometimes happens”. Two days later I was induced into labour, and a couple of hours later our baby was stillborn. He was tiny and beautiful, and both my heart and my husband’s heart were shattered.
The next week was spent in a black haze of despair and anger, desolation and asking the unanswerable question: “Why?” At the end of the week I woke one morning with pains in my abdomen. I thought it was the uterus contracting, until later that day I was shaking so violently and felt so ill that my husband rushed me to hospital. It was discovered that a small piece of the placenta had gone unnoticed, and had gone septic, so I had to have a very severe D&C.
This is what caused my Asherman’s syndrome. I moved doctors to a gynaecologist specialising in complicated pregnancies and fertility problems. He diagnosed my Asherman’s, saying that the walls of my uterus had stuck together as part of the healing process, and I would not be able to fall pregnant again as things were. I was devastated beyond description. I was so young (28 by that stage), and would not have the blessing of a tiny baby in my arms, watching him or her grow up and fill our family with such joy. Because that’s one thing I realized – it wasn’t just my husband and I who were affected by our loss – our entire family was heartbroken because of it.
The specialist suggested a laparoscopy to try and open up the uterus to at least give me the tiniest percentage chance of conceiving. It failed. At that time I had just turned myself over to God. Medicine and doctors were failing me, and only a miracle from Him would change my situation. My whole life became about falling pregnant – my individuality was defined by it, and I didn’t realise it. I found it impossible to talk to anyone – who would understand completely how my emotions were raging? So I started a blog – Journey to God – into which I threw my anger and despair. I received much support there which carried me through some of my most difficult times, including wondering: was my life really worth living?
A couple of months later another laparoscopy was performed on me, and afterwards the specialist said that this was the last thing we could try – if it didn’t work (and the only way to tell would be if I fell pregnant) – then that would be the end of my hope. Five months later I fell pregnant, but lost the baby at three weeks. The specialist encouraged me saying that at least I COULD fall pregnant – we had a chance! That in itself was a miracle, and he said as such. I clung to the Lord and hoped and prayed, standing firm on my faith and belief that He would perform a miracle in my family’s lives and bless us with a baby.
Nothing happened. Then my husband and I went on holiday, and decided that we were just going to forget about the cycles, the ovulation, the planning, and just relax and enjoy ourselves…
It was there that our real miracle happened. I conceived, and only discovered this amazing news two weeks later on returning home (being so in tune with your body, you pick up the slightest changes).
It was a difficult pregnancy, mainly because of the Asherman’s, and I was in and out of hospital, going into premature labour four times. But our little girl was born at 37.5 weeks early in 2010 via Caesarean, and she was perfect – the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on!
My troubles didn’t end there however. It was because of the Asherman’s that I had to have a Caesarean, and if my specialist hadn’t insisted on it I would not be alive today. On trying to remove the placenta, which had grown into the lining of the uterus, it ripped open blood vessels which caused me to nearly bleed to death. I was in ICU for 2 days and didn’t see my baby until I was moved into the maternity ward. Then I was rushed back to hospital the day I was released with a terrible infection that took the doctors 3 days to diagnose.
But none of that has any relevance in my life anymore. My baby is five months old and exceeding all her milestones. She is exquisite, and everyone who lays eyes on her falls instantly in love with her. She is sweet and gentle and always happy – a miracle in the true sense of the word. God got me through my despair, and God blessed me with the most incredible gift I will ever receive.
So there is hope in Asherman’s…
Written by Faith
Visit my blog to follow my journey http://blogs.women24.com/Godsgirl (writing as God’s Girl) |
